You've heard the what, now here is the why

"Why are you adopting?"  I really expected someone to ask us this question; yet not once has this been asked of us. 

I guess we have been asked what brought this about a few times, but somehow that felt different from the expected questions of "why?" that I was prepared to answer. 

Maybe it is because in all the reading that we are doing, couples are constantly explaining why they choose to adopt.  But even though we have read dozens and dozens of examples, none of them quite seem to fit our reason why.

So even though no one has specifically asked, I still feel like there is a reason to explain why we are choosing to adopt. 

We clearly are not infertile as many adoptive parents are. 

We do not feel like our family is incomplete.  It is quite the contrary.  We have 3 gifts who fill our hearts and gray our hair daily.

We simply feel overwhelmingly blessed and desire to share our blessing.  We have resources to care for another child.  We have the love to love another child.  We have room to house another child, food to feed, clothes to clothe etc. 

We also feel that by adopting a child without a family we are trying to live out our faith in Christ in a very real way.  Christians are specifically commanded to take care of orphans, and we see this as a way our family can obey this command.  Furthermore, we have been adopted into God's family through the sacrifice of Jesus, and so we see our small sacrifice of opening our home and hearts to another child as a way to express our gratitude to our Maker. 

We do not make this decision lightly.  We are constantly talking it over, praying about it, checking our motivations.  Some days we are affirmed by our decision.  Other days we are terrified.  But our resolve hasn't wavered.  This is something we are committed to doing because we want to, we are excited to, and we feel blessed to be in a position to be the family a child needs. 

the process

So, if you are like us, the thought of international adoption seems big and scary and confusing.  And although we know a lot more about the process now than when we first started, it is still pretty overwhelming at times.  We want to give you an overview of the process and share where we are and what the next steps are for us.


A very simple, stripped down summary of the process is this...
First, homestudy.
Then, dossier.
Then, referral.
Then, travel.
Then, new DeClercq for life.


Currently, we are in the first half of the homestudy phase.  The paperwork phase.  And education.  Homestudy could really be renamed "parent education phase".  We are each required to read 5 books, a number of online resources, complete 12 hours of online education, and attend 10 hours of in-person classes.  Some of that is our agency's requirement, some are mandated by Hague requirements which govern international adoption, and some are China-specific requirements of parents adopting from China.  Regardless of who requires it, we are doing it.


The paperwork is its own beast.  We have a page and a half checklist of things ranging from fingerprinting and birth certificates, to medical exams and personal reflection autobiographies, to a floor plan of our house and multiple financial statements.  The range of information that we provide is very extensive.


We have appreciated the reflection that has come from preparing these documents.  As we really examine our family, our past, our marriage, our parenting, it has been affirming of our decision to adopt.


Moving forward in the process, once we complete the paperwork phase of the homestudy, we move into the social worker phase.  We will meet one-on-one, as a couple and as a family with a social worker from our adoption agency.  She will complete a review of our home and conduct interviews.  Once the homestudy is successfully completed, we submit our "stuff" for approval to the State and Federal agencies that control adoption.  They give us the stamp of approval to adopt.


Then we move into the dossier phase.  Our dossier is a compilation of documents that represents us to the agency in China that approves adoption.  We provide more financial information, more medical checks, more birth certificates, and so on.  These documents are all notarized.  Then everything in the dossier is authenticated at 3 levels and then submitted to China.  Once approved here, we are eligible for a referral.


This becomes the matching phase.  We wait for our child.  We will complete a questionnaire about the type of child we feel will be the best match for our family and for us as parents.  And then we wait.


Once we have been matched and we say "yes", travel is scheduled.  We will then travel to China for approximately 2 weeks to pick up our new child from their orphanage and finalize the adoption in China.  More paperwork, and lots of travel. 


See, less confusing and scary, but still pretty overwhelming.  Questions?  We would love to answer anything you are wondering about. 


Also, we are going to add a box to the right with specific prayer requests.  Generally, you can pray for wisdom and momentum for us through this process.  Peace in our home and in our marriage.  And a continued understanding of God's calling on us as a family in adoption.  And for God's miraculous financial provision.

Our decision to adopt

If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is...Stop...Let me try again, and this time with much less Holden Caulfield. 

I think the topic of adoption first started during our courtship.  The conversation was probably light and extremely hypothetical:

Laura: Do you want to have kids someday?
Adam: Sure.
Laura: Care to elaborate?
Adam: Sure, I'd like to have lots of kids someday.

and on it would go, how many kids, do you want boys or girls, would you want to adopt?  I think we both agreed that, sure, as 20 year olds finishing college, adopting a child and having children in general probably sounded like a lot of fun and something we would do after we had all the fun that a young couple in love could have.


Fast forward a few years, and we had Garrett and somewhere between changing diapers and wondering "why, again, did we choose this?" we hypothetically discussed adoption, but only briefly since life felt overwhelming. 

We revisited this conversation after Kathleen was born and again when we were expecting Eli. The only difference was that after our third child, Laura's answer to the question "do you want to adopt" was a resounding NO!

Still, I, Adam, couldn't quite shake the feeling that adoption was a God honoring and important life decision.  Simply because I continually thought about it affirmed that adoption was something serious I should consider.  And so I prayed.  My prayer was simply: "God, my wife and I are on different pages when it comes to adoption.  I don't want to stress her or worry her or add to her already full load as a mother.  So I leave it to you.  If adoption is something you want for my family then you will work in her heart and get us on the same page; I leave it now with you."  And that was the last I thought about it.  Until Laura brought up adoption and suggested we seriously consider it.  

Consider my mind blown by this answer to prayer.

Thus began a year of prayer, research, and thoughtful conversation which eventually lead to action.  And now here we are, just a few months into the process and our whole family is totally committed.  Garrett even regularly prays for the "little kiddo we're bringing into our family." 

We feel so blessed in so many ways we simply want to be able to bless a child who has no family.  We want to love and care for a child who has no one to love and care for her.  That is our heart, may God bless our efforts.

Yes, we are still around.

January?  That can't be right?  We haven't posted since January?  Whoops. 

Actually, I'm not all that torn up about it.  We have about 1 1/2 regular readers of our blog, so there aren't depressed and broken hoards waiting out in the blogosphere waiting on pins and needles for us to post again. 

The truth is, we haven't had anything particularly exciting to share.  We've just been living.  Trying to keep 3 kiddos alive and well.  Working.  Baking.  Watching season 2 of Mr. Selfridge.  Sleeping when we can, which never seems to be quite enough.  So, your average, (awesome!) American lives.  I'm happy.  I'm more than that.  I'm satisfied and content.  I'm fulfilled.  I am blessed by my wonderful family. 

So, why again, are we going to do something crazy?  It feels crazy.  It feels overwhelming.  And stressful.  And right. 

Laura and I have decided to grow our family once again, and this time we plan to adopt. 

So, we are officially announcing to the world that we are in the beginning stages of the adoption process.  We don't know the child yet, but we are praying for her.  We don't know when she will be ours, but we are preparing for her.  We are terrified.  And excited.  And doing our best to follow God's leading plan in our lives. 

Stayed tuned.  We'll try and update you regularly.  One reason I feel compelled to share is that while it seems that we only know people who know people who have adopted, we don't actually know anyone in our circle of acquaintances and friends that has adopted.  Thus, if you are thinking, considering, or even wondering about the process - well, you know us, so let us be a resource (albeit totally untested) for you. 

That's all for now.  You may continue about your business. 

Garrett's Preschool Christmas Celebration

Kinda late, but here it is.  As usual, kids are goofy.  My son won't sit still and is screaming.  Other kids are grabbing the ornaments off the tree.  Crazy.  But Fun.  And a blessing.  May these kids always give thanks for Jesus!

Two Monkeys

Garrett wanted to be a monkey for Halloween, therefore Kat wanted to be a monkey for Halloween.  Thus, we have two monkeys. 

We went to church where there was a Trunk or Treat event.  It was a lot of fun; the kids loved it!

This one you can see their tails.

And of course, their spoils.

 

AWANA Crazy Hair night (a month ago!)

Garrett really wanted to wear a mohawk for crazy hair night, but his hair was too long and it wouldn't stand up straight.  He was very excited about the multiple crazy pig tails!